I Am Incorporating My Uterus, LLC

Dear Secretary of State:

This letter is to inform you of my decision to organize my uterus, fallopian tubes, cervix, vaginal canal, and associated reproductive tissues (henceforth "MY UTERUS, LLC") into a domestic Limited Liability Company. 

This will be a single-member LLC, entered into by myself, being the sole owner and operator of the aforementioned reproductive system. 

Much like small businesses are the backbone of the American economy, uteri are the literal blood and tissue that keep the country moving forward. While small businesses account for 43.5 percent of the gross domestic product, uteri account for 100 percent of the people. 

The purpose of MY UTERUS is to provide a uniquely safe and nourishing environment in which to grow a fertilized egg throughout the stages of gestation - from zygote to embryo to fetus to viable baby. However, recent court cases have shown that, in my state, I no longer have full rights to control my unique bodily organ in the ways that are best for my family and my self. Since no government has yet demanded that a business loan or give itself to any other person or business, I have opted to declare my uterus a company.    

Available on Etsy

As a private business, I will enjoy the right to refuse service of MY UTERUS to anyone - including both already-born and pre-people - whom I deem unfit or undesirable as long as I apply those standards equally and without discrimination. As a corporation, I fully understand the weights of my responsibilities in ways that cannot possibly be clear to a simple, individual human. 

I look forward to MY UTERUS taking advantage of the multitude of benefits provided to corporations. First and foremost, I am very excited about the limited government interference afforded to Companies, so I can operate MY UTERUS exclusively to my benefit and without consideration of anyone else who has not been named a member of my company. In fact, after being declared a corporation, MY UTERUS can - with very little government scrutiny - take actions that harm or even end the lives of those who use it, like Phillip Morris, Skoal, Smith & Wesson, and Remington have done before me.

I eagerly anticipate full legal rights of MY UTERUS to move freely about the country without accusations of abducting anyone, and to conduct business across state lines when I deem appropriate. I am especially excited to be free of undue time limits or extraneous filings and appointments required before making my decisions pertaining to MY UTERUS.

Additionally, MY UTERUS will minimize my tax burden when I can deduct normal operating expenses of my lady business. This may include but is not limited to pantiliners, pads, tampons, condoms, oral contraceptives, IUDs and other birth control methods, permanent sterilization, annual Pap tests, and of course childbirth.

Since the Supreme Court ruled in 2010 that a corporation is a person who can donate to political campaigns, one of my first actions will be contributing to the political campaigns of MY UTERUS's choice, namely those lawmakers and government officials who demonstrate reliable support for MY UTERUS's autonomy, independence, and decision-making capabilities. Combined with my individual contributions, this effectively doubles my political free speech powers, and I look forward to exercising those rights.

MY UTERUS will also consider setting up a lobbying arm that will educate state and federal lawmakers on the mechanics and limitations of my lady business, including basic facts like a female body cannot shut down pregnancy in case of rape and an ectopic pregnancy cannot be transplanted. Because of MY UTERUS's status as a corporation, I am relieved that lawmakers finally will be allowed to discuss all parts of my company without any concerns of breaching decorum. I also look forward to explaining to lawmakers that MY UTERUS, like any corporation, can't conduct business before it is aware there is business to conduct.

Enclosed please find my filing fee of $99, which is significantly less than the national average cost of a vaginal delivery at more than $13,000. As a service to the public, I plan to use this savings to help MY UTERUS create a marketing campaign to explain that it will not interfere with a president's ability to do her job, nor will hormones cause her to start a war. Perhaps this will result in more women being elected to lawmaking positions throughout the country.

Thank you for this opportunity to control MY UTERUS.

Signed,

Sugar Pig