Explaining Makeup to My Daughter

Sweet girl of mine with ocean eyes and alabaster skin, you ask me how to put on makeup.

What can I tell you that won't skew your fragile self-perception? Which words won't lead you to believe women are born imperfect and need improvement?

You look to me for lessons on beauty and poise. Only 5 years old, you are my daily shadow but I am in shadow of you. You are already flawless - kinder and wiser than many adults I know. I hesitate to teach you how to cover up or alter yourself.

So I will tell you instead what I've learned about makeup.

Your foundation should be comprised of jojoba seed oil, minerals, the ideas you value most, aloe, zinc oxide, and all the places you've been. Spread it evenly across your life with your fingertips, taking care to fill any shadows of doubt. You are enough.

You will think you need concealer to cover blemishes, but you'll be wrong. Never hide the line of three freckles that dot your chin or the small white scar between your eyebrows. These are proof that you have turned your face to the sun and smiled, that you have spun in giddy circles until you fell down. Proudly wear your experience and knowledge like diamonds on your skin, because your imperfections make you who you are.

Later, in the middle of life, you'll join the timeless tribe of women who wear their love in the four corners of their eyes. You may look for a concealer to soften the purple-blue smudges that bloom after staying awake all night, rocking your children. Try to cover it if you like, but your devotion will still shine through. For best results, choose an under-eye concealer that is one shade lighter than your brightest memory, and dab lightly to blend. 

Powder is a great way to set your foundation so it doesn't shift. It should be translucent like your wedding veil and as soft as the way your beloved holds your hand. Choose a fine, loose powder that is buildable so you can apply multiple layers of ambition, intelligence, kindness, and luck as needed. Put it on with a brush as fluffy as the dandelions you once scattered with wishes. Don't forget to tuck a compact of pressed powder in your bag so you can blot out any fear or hesitation while on the go.

Apply blush to the apples of your cheeks - when you grin, those parts that are round like the bottom of your first baby, smacked at birth. In this life you'll be smacked down a lot for things you do and even things you don't say. The truth is, life is seldom fair. All you can do is keep going until you find something that makes you smile, then never let it go. With your pale skin and peaches-and-cream undertones, I suggest trying an apricot shade of blush as sweet as the way you whisper in the dark, goodnight, mama, I love you. 

Add eyeshadow to your makeup arsenal, because you need dark to recognize the light. A medium tone will act as a reminder to do all things with moderation, except love and art - approach those with reckless abandon. A sideways V-shape of striking navy blue or sparkling chocolate brown on your lids will emphasize your eyes and your greater-than heart. Blend well, but don't blend in if you don't want to - you have my permission to stand out in a crowd, always.

Swipe one or two coats of mascara on your lashes to open up your eyes, giving you a wide-awake look to view the world's truths: talent and intelligence are evenly bestowed, but opportunity is not; beauty lies more in who you are than who you look like. Absorb these certainties into your pores and right down to your bones; don't let anyone shake them from you. Fix in your heart that you will remain compassionate and determined no matter what you see or how others see you.

Finally, complete your look with lipstick that is red like the blood that rushes through your veins. A flat matte formula might be easy to wear, but it's drying to the lips and won't teach you how to rise to a challenge. Instead go with a shiny and bold finish, my girl. Let the world know you're coming for it.

This essay originally appeared in the Moms Who Write anthology The Future of Us: For the Ones Who Come Next. Find it on Amazon.