How to Be in Three Places at Once

1. JANUARY - Reenroll your children in private school. Last years of intermediate and middle school, here we come.

2. JULY - Sign up your children for fall recreation-league soccer, U14 and U11. Receive confirmation of enrollment and projected start date of mid-September. 

3. AUGUST 22 - Receive notice that U11 soccer team will practice at Root Road fields on Thursdays at 5:45, beginning September 10. Note lack of information about time or place for U14 team.

4. AUGUST 25 - Receive message begging for coach for U14 team. 

5. AUGUST 31 - Receive notice that the middle school parents back-to-school meeting will also be on Thursday, September 10. Start time 5:30, followed by mandatory meeting regarding overnight field trip. Estimated end time 7:30. 

6. Frown. Google distance from Root Road park to school: 7.1 miles, 18 minutes drive time. 

7. Ask soccer league for updates on U14 team. 

8. Receive second message begging for coach for U14 team. 

9. SEPTEMBER 5 - Receive notice that U14 soccer coach has been coerced identified. First practice scheduled for 6:30 at Victory Park fields on Thursday, September 10. End time 7:30.

10. Scowl. Google distance from Victory Park to Root Road fields: 2.5 miles, 7 minutes drive time. Google distance from Root Road park to school again, just to see if it has changed. Note that distance is still 7.1 miles, 18 minutes drive time. 

11. Call grandparents to recruit transportation assistance. Ask them to pick up both children at 5:15, drop girl child at Root Road park at 5:30 and boy child at Victory Park at 6:30, then pick up girl child at Root Road park at 6:30 and pick up boy child at Victory Park at 7:30.  Plan to leave house at 5:15 to attend parents meeting until 7:30. Plan to start dinner at 4:15 and serve at 4:45 to accommodate sports. 

12. SEPTEMBER 5 - Receive notice that start time for U11 soccer practice has been pushed back from 5:45 to 6:45. Google distance from Root Road park to school for third time, hoping it has changed. Note that distance is still 7.1 miles, 18 minutes drive time. Google distance from Victory Park to school: 7 miles, 16 minute drive time. 

13. Huff. Call grandparents to reschedule transportation assistance. Ask them to pick up both children at 6:15, drop off boy child at Victory Park at 6:30 and girl child at Root Road park at 6:45, pick up boy child at Victory Park at 7:30 and girl child at Root Road field at 7:45. Maintain plan to leave house at 5:15 to attend parents meeting until 7:30. Plan to move dinner start time to 4:30 and serve time to 5:00 to accommodate sports. 

14. Realize new dinner time won't leave enough minutes for you yourself to eat, and cancel revised dinner plan. Revert to dinner start time at 4:15 and serve time at 4:45 to accommodate sports. 

15. SEPTEMBER 9 - Receive notice that first 25 minutes of tomorrow's middle school parents back-to-school meeting are optional for returning families because it is instructional review of parent app. New start time 6:00.

16. Bang head repeatedly on kitchen table. 

17. Revise plan to leave house for back-to-school meeting, now 5:45 with estimated end time 7:30. Screw moving re-rescheduled dinner plans because head hurts.

18. Call grandparents, who are now so confused they need a color-coded flow chart for single evening schedule. Print an additional copy for yourself, just in case.